Love in the Time of Corona

Dear you,

I hope this is my last letter to you.

I met you at a time when people don’t expect to meet someone new. I met you during the COVID-19 pandemic through an online platform. Our love story is full of highs and lows, and in the time we were together I really was convinced you were “The One.” I was so happy when we were together, and I thought you were going to save me from drowning in my self-made ocean of chaos. Turns out I am the only one who can fix my own mess. I don’t want to reminisce on the good memories that happened because it will only be harder to accept that our story is merely a single chapter in my life.

You hurt me so bad. My soul was bruised and is far from recovery. I’ve loved you so much that I’d let myself bleed for you. You were my yellow. But that was before I realized that enough is enough. I tried to love you the best way I can. I apologized for everything I’ve done to hurt you, but you just don’t care.

I want to feel better again. I want to stop crying over you. It’s been 8 months of pain and I know I’ve got to let go. I have to let go of our love when everything was okay; let go of the anger I had for you and myself; let go and accept that we weren’t meant to be. We’re both broken. I fear I might be the cause of why you became worse. It’s so complicated and chaotic, love. I regret a lot of things I have done, but I need to start forgiving myself to finally move forward.

I hope we continue to be like intersecting lines, once met but never to meet again.

You’re toxic and admittedly I am, too. We will only hurt each other. I wish you will find the healing and peace of mind you need. We’ll be okay soon.

From now on, I pledge to think of the present time only. I pledge to ask for more from myself and not from others. As the saying goes, “A love that is lost will always find its way back to you” and I believe that other forms of love will come our way even in the smallest of ways.

Thank you for everything—goodbye.

~~your yellow